I am in my mid-40's, still attractive and I know that the odds of finding a partner drop tremendously at my age. I'm engaged to a man that I'm not "in love" with. I admire, respect, and like him-- as a friend. We have a lot of fun together, and the companionship is great. He supports me in my career and accepts me exactly as I am. He's handsome and treats me like a queen, but there is no chemistry between us.
I've been married before and I have also been in relationships where incredible electricity flowed, but one of them turned out to be the most personally destructive situation I've ever been in. (He was handsome, charismatic, and abusive.) I have come to the conclusion that intensity often characterizes sick relationships and I won't get into another one if I can avoid it. But I also know I'm missing that wonderful feeling of being in love.
Infatuation is instant desire. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream. Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you--to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him near. But near or far, you know he is yours and you know you can wait until he returns.
Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him." love says, "Be patient. He is yours. Plan your future with confidence". Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are in one another's company you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.
Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away you wonder if he's cheating. Sometimes you check up on him. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels your trust, and it makes him more trustworthy. Infatuation might lead you to things you'll regret later, but love never will.
Love lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you a better person than you were before.
(Q) Do you think the difference is always clear between love and infatuation?
