To you and the thousands of other parents who are miserable because of what you have done to your children, I say this: Stop berating yourselves. You did the best you could with the tools at hand: inexperience, clay feet, the works. No one knows why some children turn out to be champions in spite of parents who provide precious little emotional nourishment, while other kids, who are loved, wanted, tenderly nurtured, and have all the so-called advantages, turn out perverse, estranged and unable to cope with life.
I have come to believe in the genetic factor, though this has been ignored by many modern behavioral scientists. We all inherit our nervous systems, and if the nervous system is fragile, it place severe limitations on what a person can tolerate. Certain individuals are born survivors. They can withstand life’s harshest blows and emerge the stringer as a result. Others crumble in the face of minor adversity. The same fire that melts butter can make steel strong.
And let us not overlook personal responsibility. I am sick of hearing children blame their parents fro messing up their lives. People with all sorts of handicaps can do and make it in this demanding world.
For those who are hooked on dope, there are drug-abuse centers with trained personnel, eager and waiting to help. For individuals who need professional counseling, there are mental-health clinics. The self-help groups do a remarkable job getting people to take control of their lives, and they are free!
Enough of this “You damaged me, now take care of me” nonsense. It’s a cop-out! The parental guilt our kids try to lay on us is so thick you can cut it with a knife. But it serves no purpose except to perpetuate financial and emotional dependence and create a climate of hostility, punishment and ultimate failure. God helps those who help themselves.
